If you lost your mounting template sticker, it is on Metropolitan Avenue between Humboldt and Graham. You made me say, “mounting template.”

If you lost your Radium keyboard, it is on Powers Street between Humboldt and Graham, still in its carrying case.

If you lost your unopened bag of granola, it is at the corner of Powers and Graham on top of the Village Voice kiosk beside Khim’s.

If you lost your old nasty air conditioner filter and positive pregnancy test, they are in Park Slope at Prospect and 6th Ave. (Photo and lost item spotting courtesy of Timothy O’Rourke)

Transcript: Once upon a time everything went wrong. A dragon killed everyone in town. And then they became zombies who felt the need to hump everyone they saw. So he got many diseases. He went to the zombie doctor to check out his big long juicy arm. It was fine thank baby Jesus. But then his booty hole was talking to him. So he went to the hard ware store to buy a hammer to shut it up. But as he was going to hit his butthole shut it said, “Baby please think about what your going to do.” Okay. Whats popping 5 nothing slime.

If you lost your clear plastic salad tongs, they are on Bushwick Avenue between Grand and Powers Street on the east side of the street in front of Jennings Hall. I hope you haven’t ruined Potluck Salad Fridays with your carelessness. How are you supposed to serve the Caesar now?

If you lost your big beautiful blackberries, they are on Powers Street between Humboldt and Graham on the north side of the street by the fire hydrant. My dog and several others may have urinated on them.

If you lost your giant box of assorted breadstuffs, it is on Powers Street west of Olive Street by the community garden. Please retrieve it before the rats cart it away.

If you lost your terra cotta urn sealed with clear packing tape, it is on Powers Street west of Bushwick Avenue, a few feet in front of the Chinese take-out’s dumpster.